What Living with Psoriasis Has Taught Me About Prioritizing My Mental Well-Being

The hardest thing to accept was that I would never look “perfect” to myself or to others.

I have lived with plaque and scalp psoriasis since I was a child. When I was about 14 years old, my skin took a turn for the worse and started to have a significant impact on my overall well-being and my mental health.

When I was a child, psoriasis never phased me – it seemed like no one ever took notice of it. I spent less time worrying about the way I looked and instead focused on things like when the next “High School Musical” movie would be coming out.

Throughout my childhood, I felt free of needing to live up to beauty standards. Social media was not as prominent in my life then. I didn’t feel pressure to post particular pictures or look a certain way. I felt free.

Join the free Psoriasis community!

Connect with thousands of members and find support through daily live chats, curated resources, and one-to-one messaging.

Sign up

Entering my teenage years

When my psoriasis worsened in my teenage years, it hindered my ability to even just live the way I wanted to. So many things changed about me and how I navigated my life.

As a child, I was bubbly and joyful. I loved to wear flowery dresses and skirts and all of the sudden, I couldn’t.

Soon, I stopped wanting to go out because it was too hard to cover all my scars. I started getting panic attacks when I was out in shops with my family because I thought people were staring at my skin.

It felt like I was letting the condition take complete control over my life. I was constantly putting myself down when looking in the mirror. I became the most miserable version of myself.

My head was consumed with thoughts like “Who could ever possibly love me when I look like this?”

Because psoriasis has no cure, it was easy for these thoughts to escalate. I felt like I would feel like this forever.

The thing I struggled with most was acceptance. It was hard to accept the fact that the scars on my body were there to stay. It was hard to accept that psoriasis comes with pain that was not only physical but deeply emotional, too.

The hardest thing to accept was that I would never look “perfect” to myself or to others.

The impact of lockdown

For me, the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic marked the start of the hardest period of my life mentally. Being locked up at home meant that I couldn’t distract myself with school work, extracurricular activities, or friends.

I was in my room constantly. I had nothing but time to be in my head and remind myself of all the things I didn’t like when I looked at my reflection.

However, It was during this period of time that I decided to begin therapy for the first time. Therapy proved to be a great help. It allowed me to talk more openly about my psoriasis, which is something I had never done before and something that I didn’t know I needed to do.

I had never considered therapy until this point. I had thought that, compared to everyone else, my issues were small and I’d be wasting the therapist’s time. I now realize how wrong this mentality was and that going to therapy was the first step I needed to take in order to get better.

Therapy made me stronger. It made me braver, and it helped me start to accept the things in my life that I simply cannot control.

I found that it also helped to open up to my family about how psoriasis made me feel on the inside. Soon, I was no longer suffering in silence or alone. My family was there to help, guide, and support me through my journey to self-acceptance and appreciation.

Stepping forward

Every day I took small steps toward self-love. Instead of looking in the mirror and frowning, I tried looking in the mirror and dancing. I spoke to myself with a kinder tone. I made sure to compliment myself whenever I could.

These seemingly small lifestyle changes helped shift my mindset. I was able to create a gentler and more relaxed environment for myself.

Creating a more supportive surrounding for myself also helped me develop the strength to start talking about my skin publicly. I collaborated with The Funk Diaries, a podcast about mental health, to talk about my journey and the difficulties I had faced.

As soon as the episode was released, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was no longer carrying around this secret.

A few months after this, I did the bravest thing I have ever done. I posted pictures of myself online with my skin visible. I presented myself for all to see, and the response was incredible.

It was the most overwhelming day of my life. I was flooded with messages, re-posts, comments, and so much love. Other people expressed to me that they were proud of me and that they felt inspired.

Fellow psoriasis warriors reached out to me, too. They explained that by posting, I had helped them feel better about their own experiences. They told me my post reminded them that they were not alone and that it’s OK to be vulnerable. It became clear to me that I was helping others.

Realizing that sharing my story had the power to help others was the motivation I had needed all along.

The bottom line

I have changed immeasurably as a person since 2020. I have realized that for me, the best “cure” for psoriasis is acceptance. Hiding myself and not accepting my psoriasis was only making it harder to live with.

I am starting to recognize myself again. I wear what I want. I buy what I want and I post what I want. While I still have hard days when I feel like I’m being pulled back into the trap of self-hate, it’s much easier now for me to get out of that headspace.

I’ve had a taste of what it feels like to live in a world where I love and appreciate myself more.

Sharing my struggle has helped me finally see that I can be perfectly imperfect. I am uniquely and beautifully made.