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Consistency Is Overrated

Living Well

April 20, 2023

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Photo courtesy of Natalie Kelley/Design by Alexis Lira

Photo courtesy of Natalie Kelley/Design by Alexis Lira

by Natalie Kelley

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Medically Reviewed by:

Vara Saripalli, Psy.D.

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by Natalie Kelley

•••••

Medically Reviewed by:

Vara Saripalli, Psy.D.

•••••

•••••

Consistency feels safe and comforting. It may even help us feel more successful in life. But the true measure of success is to become OK with the ebbs and flows of life while chronically ill.

What if I told you that consistency is overrated?

Before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (a form of inflammatory bowel disease, or IBD) right before my senior year of college, consistency was my Holy Grail. I woke up at 5 a.m. every single day without fail. I was at the gym by 6 a.m., running outside by 7 a.m., eating the same smoothie for breakfast post-workout … the list goes on.

I could eat the same smoothie every morning because my body was always up for digesting cold food. I could wake up and work out at the exact same time in the exact same way every day because my body always had the energy and capability to do so. I could say yes to any and all plans without wondering if I would have to cancel later. I was consistent in my actions because my body was consistent in how it felt. I could go-go-go without any consequences.

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When autopilot crashes

Once I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, I eventually realized this autopilot way of living was no longer suitable or safe. But it took me the first 10 months of my diagnosis, trying to continue to maintain this consistency, before I realized something needed to change.

My body was screaming at me to slow down as I struggled through major fatigue and 10-plus bathroom trips daily. I chose to ignore it all because I was scared to let go of the routines and consistency I had in my life. I let my fear get in the way of doing what my body truly needed.

This quickly led to a major flare and hospitalization, one that fully changed my life because it showed me how drastically my life needed to change to coexist safely with my illness.

I wish I could go back and tell that earlier me that it was OK to listen to her body when she was stressed, burnt out from school, tired from a day of heavy movement, craving different foods, or in her luteal phase.

All along, it had been OK to switch things up and ebb and flow freely. It just took a chronic illness to show me that. And the further I’ve come on my journey of slowing down, tuning into my body’s daily needs, and learning to honor them unapologetically, the more I’ve realized that even pre-chronic illness, I had ebbing and flowing needs and energy — just as any human does throughout their days, weeks, and months.

I’ve come to understand that consistency was overrated all along.

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Ditch the blame

There’s no need for personal blame because it makes sense that we strive for consistency.

First of all, consistency feels safe, especially if you’re someone who has an anxiety disorder. It’s comfortable knowing that you have fewer decisions to make — you simply know what’s coming next. I appreciated knowing when I was going to wake up, what I was going to make for breakfast, and what I was going to do at the gym every day. It felt safe knowing what chores and errands happened on what days.

Redefining success, for me, meant the following: A successful life is one in which I show up consistently for myself, my mind, and my body.

Secondly, the media drives home the idea that consistency is the standard. We watch creators on social media share their “day in the life” and “what I eat in a day” vlogs, which glamorize getting up early, working out, eating “healthy,” making your house look spotless, and wearing a put-together outfit — every single day.

If you can do all this consistently, the message is you’ve reached the pinnacle of health, wellness, and success. But I promise you this isn’t true. What’s healthy for one person, what wellness and success look like for one person, doesn’t mean it’s the same for the next.

So, how do we move past this desire to be consistent instead of listening to our bodies?

Release self-judgment

A great starting point is releasing self-judgment. What is your first reaction when you can’t do something you planned on or wanted to do (especially in relation to being consistent)? Guilt? Annoyance? Anger toward yourself? Feelings of being lazy?

What would happen if you met yourself with understanding and patience instead? I know that may seem impossible at this moment, but working toward a softening toward yourself is a beautiful goal to have.

I have found more inner peace and, therefore, less self-judgment by meditating daily and working on self-love. I do this, not in a cheesy way, but in a deep, sustainable way, by meeting myself with curiosity and learning about who I truly am now, and finding ways to accept and cherish this version of me.

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Redefine consistency for yourself

Redefining consistency often also entails redefining success because much of our consistency hinges on how we view success. When we view people’s lives through social media, it’s easy to think, “That’s what my life needs to look like to be successful.” But we need to remember that what we’ve been taught to view as indicators of success — extensive morning routines, fancy homes, high powered careers — don’t have to be the things we use to measure success.

Redefining success, for me, meant the following: A successful life is one in which I show up consistently for myself, my mind, and my body.

Could you switch from being consistent with your workouts, wake-up time, etc., to being consistent with self-care? Consistent with meditating daily? Journaling? Doing skin care that feels nourishing? Drinking enough water? Taking supplements that make you feel a little bit better?

These small, more nurturing ways of being consistent are even more important and can help us find new ways of feeling successful in our lives.

Create a consistency tool kit

Maybe consistency doesn’t have to be measured against a daily agenda but instead against what your energy is like day-to-day. To do this, try creating a tool kit that helps you adapt to your changing needs. Start by recording — in the notes app on your phone, in your journal, or using any tool you prefer — what feels good on high energy, medium-energy, and low energy days, and then consult your lists regularly. (Feel free to swap “energy” for “symptoms” if that’s more useful.)

This practice can help you feel like you still have direction and goals, even though you may wake up feeling different every day. This is especially helpful for someone with anxiety because it helps you still feel safe.

For example, I know that a morning routine feels really nourishing to me, but I also know I don’t have to do the same exact activities at the same time every morning to have a morning routine. Some days, my morning routine still begins at 5:30 a.m. (I am a morning person, after all!), and I do all the work — journaling, meditating, reading, movement, etc. On other days it starts at 8., and I do a 5-minute meditation or 10 minutes of breath work and write a quick gratitude list.

I am consistent in my actions of showing up for myself, but I let the details ebb and flow with my body’s needs.

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Control what you can

Lastly, controlling what we can actually control — and letting go of what we can’t — is hugely helpful. Because at the root of desiring consistency is the desire for control. Once I started focusing on mindset work with chronic illness, my life completely changed. I realized that although I couldn’t control my symptoms or energy or body most of the time, I could control the way I spoke to myself, the way I reacted to my ebbing and flowing body and emotions, and the way I treated myself.

The takeaway

It’s obviously beyond OK not to be grateful for any piece of your chronic illness, especially if you’re in a harder season of illness, but I always say I am personally grateful for the ways chronic illness got me out of autopilot, off the hamster wheel, and into the now. Chronic illness took away my consistency but gave me a deeper connection with my body and a better ability to listen to and honor what it needs on a daily basis.

Medically reviewed on April 20, 2023


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About the author

Natalie Kelley

Natalie Kelley, the founder of Plenty and Well, is a chronic illness mindset and lifestyle coach, and the host of the “Plenty and Well Podcast.” After years of symptoms, she received a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis in 2017 at age 21. She then changed paths to discuss life with a chronic illness and provide support for others. After a life-altering flare-up, Natalie realized her purpose ran deeper, and she obtained her holistic health coaching certification. She offers personal coaching to women with chronic illnesses. Her group program, The Path to Empowered Acceptance, helps individuals find acceptance, confidence, and joy on their health journeys.

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